Why We Don’t Watch News Around Our Kids

When I was a kid, my parents had as much news on as was available: local in the early and late evenings, CNN in between. If we were together on weekdays (Take your kid to work, i.e.), I’d get treated to 3 hrs of Rush Limbaugh on the EIB network, followed by whatever local talk radio red-teamer came on afterward for afternoon drive time. At the time, it all made sense to me. I was a very informed child and I had opinions on everything from the Exxon-Valdez oil spill to Anita Hill and her relationship with then Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas. I was exposed to a pretty broad mixture of both balanced and biased views and I could understand what the grownups were chatting about which was like a glimpse into a secret society. I felt pretty fancy. I also thought a straw man was another name for a scarecrow.

I used to be super political. Although I was a pretty solid centrist if you broke me down by issue, I firmly identified with the red team. All of my friends were on the blue team so we all got into it fairly often. It’s worth noting that I was peaking red-team around 2003-2008 as can be seen in Figure 1.

Figure 1. Approximate history of my red-team affiliation

During these years, I was so angry. About what you ask? I can barely remember now, but they were some white hot talking points at the time, I tell you what. I wasn’t just watching Fox, either. My roommate at the time (strong with the Blue team) was always watching MSNBC so we were both getting the worst arguments from both sides. As I have gotten older, I find the news harder to tolerate, but with the practical incapability of political news and opinion in adult life, and the repetition of the messages that are distributed both by news and social media, it is difficult to prevent partisan talking points from becoming merely a script to recite when discussing issues with friends, neighbors and colleagues. I have been in situations where two die-hard Fox News viewers who had never previously met ended up finishing each other’s sentences regarding Trump dissenters. Is this because they were soul mates or because they had the same few lines of argument ground into their ears for several weeks?  Awareness of this tendency in myself instigated my descent from blood red to swing voter. I noticed, with increasing alarm, that my friends and I weren’t really debating. At least on my end, I was proceeding as if I was attempting to construct an axiomatic proof using only Sean Hannity quotations.

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Figure 2. I’m ANGRY!

I don’t want my kids growing up watching adults behave at developmental levels not much higher than they are. In the media, partisan politics has become (was always?) entrenched in the narrative that the other side comprises dangerous maniacs who wants nothing more than to attack “us” and destroy “our” way of life. That is not how I want my girls to grow up viewing people who disagree with them. Not that petty threats and misleading arguments are new tactics in punditry. In 1969, William F. Buckley Jr. invited Noam Chomsky to appear on Firing Line to discuss his opinion of the Vietnam War.

While neither party was particularly fond of the other afterwards, they managed to have a civil, if pugnacious, conversation about ideas. It is indeed pugnacious, as the following exchange from 9:10 to 9:21 in the linked video, shows:

Buckley: I rejoice in your disposition to argue the Vietnam question especially when I recognize what an act of self-control this must involve

Chomsky: It does, it really does, I mean I think it’s the kind of issue where sometimes I lose my temper. Maybe not tonight. *Chuckles*

Buckley: *Chuckles* Maybe Not Tonight. Because if you did I’d smash you in the goddamn face. *winks* *smiles*

Chomsky: *Smiles* *Laughs*

Audience: Chuckles.

Not to pick on Buckley, but here’s another fun one this time with Gore Vidal debating security at the 1968 democratic convention.

Vidal: As far as I’m concerned the only crypto-nazi I can think of is yourself!

Buckley: Now listen you queer, stop calling me a crypto-nazi or I’ll sock you in your goddamn face and you’ll stay plastered.

Oof; different times, I guess. But, at least they were discussing original ideas. Buckley invited Chomsky on Firing Line specifically because they disagreed. Chomsky agreed to the discussion despite clearly having no respect for Buckley. Even if Buckley brought Chomsky on strictly with the intention to “win” the debate, Chomsky’s ideas were still presented to the audience.

Neil Postman would probably say that the problem is TV and its effect on discourse and information distribution through the media compounded over the last 6 decades or so. Maybe so. These days, I go straight to the AP newswire or Reuters for my info (both have great, free mobile apps). While on the one hand, I think Postman would appreciate that many people are cutting the cord and getting their news from non-TV sources, I suspect he would be appalled at the schizophrenic nature of social media and internet news. Sadly, I guess we’ll never know. I’ll probably spend more time talking about ol’ Neil in a later post.

So how are we going to have informed kids if we don’t watch the news around them, you ask? We’re still working that out and I will probably revisit this problem in a later post as well.

To sum up this long, but too short, post, modern media discourse is probably best summed up by a quote from one of my old roommates:

“I may not like what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to die in a fire of suspicious origin.”

Meditation and Toddlers

I have been sitting silently for, on average, 16 minutes a day for a little over a year. To get this silence, I have to get up by 5:30 am at the latest and find a room in my house that no one is likely to walk in to (often the master bedroom closet). Silence is hard to come by in a house with several little children, but it can be found.

A three year old is only slightly more reactive than elemental cesium and having access to an internal low-pass filter is like your own emotional class D fire extinguisher.

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Fig. 1. An actual picture of my 3 year old on realizing that she would prefer her sister’s green lollipop over her yellow one.

Mindfulness meditation, aside from having been practiced for several thousand years, has been studied fairly extensively over the past few decades in controlled, academic settings.  It has been shown to be effective in a range of applications from treating chronic pain to improving cognition. More immediately to my point however, I have anecdotally found it to be extremely effective for keeping my behavior at the adult level when my children desperately try to bring out my inner toddler for an argument. At first, I just became aware of when I was reacting in a less than grown-up way. The more I practice training the mind, however, the better I am becoming at recognizing my own childish behaviors before they occur, and (sometimes) avoiding them.

But you’re saying, “Adam! I tried to meditate once and after two minutes all I could think was CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!” Well, yeah, me too! I think that’s a pretty common reaction. It’s hard to sit there with that snakepit under your skull and nothing to distract you, but it’s not like those feelings and thoughts aren’t there just because you don’t notice them. Training the mind helps to clear all that shit out and let you simply be you. Plus, if you find that, like most people at first, sitting in silence is just untenable, there are many excellent resources for guided meditation. Andy Puddicombe‘s Headspace website/app is outstanding, but there are many free options out there as well. Or you could just start by counting your breaths to 10 (1 in, 2 out, 3 in, …) until your time is up. The key is to do it everyday, preferably for at least 10 minutes, but 1 minute is better than no minutes.

Sitting like this, training my mind not to get caught up in the constant tar-pit stream of worries and curiosities floating through my mind, has been invaluable in helping me deal with my little girls. It also (hopefully) has made me a better, more present husband. The best silence, it turns out, is the silence you find between your ears.

On My Ambivalence Toward “Geek Culture” Indoctrination

I have not (and probably will not) shown my children any movie in the “Star Wars” universe. This is not a reaction to the Disney-fication of Star Wars or to any content-related objection, nor will I complain if they want to watch it on their own. This is simply my reaction to my generation forcing its culture on our kids.

I am 35 and my children range from 2 to 3. They are currently fed a steady diet of Sesame Street, Daniel Tiger, Sophia the First, Dino Dana/Dan and whatever else they manage to convince me to let them watch on Netflix/PBS Kids etc. I end up watching a lot of incidental children’s television (over and over and over…) so I spend a good deal of this time zoned out thinking about what I want them exposed to.

My parents (born in the late 30s – early 40s) could not have given fewer fucks about whether I was intimately familiar with Wile E. Coyote’s addiction to mail-order Acme WMDs.

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Figure 1. What a Maroon!

Not that we didn’t have fun watching these hijinks together, but usually it was because they wandered into the room while engaged in grown-up shit and decided to join me for some cartoons. Herein lies the crux of my argument: our kids need to find, or create, their own culture. Star Wars, the current McDonalds of Movies, was originally popular because it was a fun movie whose original take on the monomyth structure resonated with audiences, not because the teenagers who saw it had been raised from birth to devour anything with a light saber on it. Can a four-year-old really appreciate how it would feel to find out that the asshole who just chopped off your hand is your long, lost father? Are they going to feel a corresponding catharsis later during Vader’s death scene? Or are they just going to dress up like young Lumpy for Life Day? Also, fuck Life Day. And May the Fourth.

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Figure 2. Lumpy sure has grown!

Please, can we just play with our toddlers without involving characters from comic books they can’t read, movies they shouldn’t watch, or video games they can’t play? Their imaginations are far more interesting. We are not going to lose our childhoods by letting them have their own; we may even gain new ones.

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Figure 3. Avery’s Koala-thing Poops Fucking JEWELS for God’s Sake!

In summary, I will not agonize over when I should show my kids Ghostbusters; no matter how much I love that movie, dressing my kid up as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man for Halloween is about me, not them.

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Figure 4. Average morning at my house